BUMPER STICKER OF THE WEEK:

More Chuckles Added: Wednesday, August 25, 2010

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Super sex."

She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Super sex."

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

♦

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes before she finally said, "How soon do you need to know?"

♦

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"

"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."

♦

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I
just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!"

"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

♦

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both
could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they
came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on
through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing
it. I could have sworn we just went Through a red light.' After a few
more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red.
Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was
almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that
she was losing it. She was getting nervous.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went
on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did
you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could
have killed us both!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving?"

♦♦

Actual headlines #5 . . .

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

Air Head Fired

Steals Clock, Faces Time

Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff

Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni

Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board

Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut

Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find

'Light' meals are lower in fat, calories

♦♦♦

(Be prepared to groan!)

A Chinese couple, Mr. & Mrs. Wong, were delivered of their first child which had light blue eyes, blonde hair and very fair skin.

Frowning at his wife, the husband said, “How could this be? After all, two Wongs don’t make a white.”

“Oh,” she said, “it was purely Occidental.”

♦

 (And if that wasn’t bad enough …)

The big chess tournament was taking place at the Plaza in New York. After the first day's competition, many of the winners were sitting around in the foyer of the hotel talking about their matches and bragging about their wonderful play. After a few drinks they started getting louder and louder until finally, the desk clerk couldn't take any more and kicked them out.

The next morning the Manager called the clerk into his office and told him there had been many complaints about his being so rude to the hotel guests; instead of kicking them out, he should have just asked them to be less noisy.

The clerk responded, "I'm sorry, but if there's one thing I can't stand, it's chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."